She thought time will be the best healer, and she still in some way do! She also knew that we can’t easily forget what a person made us feel. Do we miss the person that provided us with the feeling or do we miss the feeling? She kept trying to find the answer. Needless to say, she had no success! Or maybe she is not in the position to find an answer yet.
She has never been in love and for the majority of her life she was convinced that such a feeling is just a mere delusion! Until recently, this was her argument.
She never thought that she would allow herself to be a prisoner of such emotion, proud in her head that she is stronger than falling for anything! She thought she was a logical person who was never going to surrender her heart!
And she was absolutely wrong! How did she know that? Because she finally felt it aching!
Expressing her deep feelings was something she was never good at, even between her and herself she never knew what is it she was feeling when she sat opposite him eating her Harusame Noodles in a very hilarious way. What is it she was feeling when they watched ‘Mr. Deed’ laying on his bed? Or when they had that lovely walk around the lake! She thought she just liked him a little more than a friend and definitely she was attracted to him!
What she knew is that the moment they decided to stop for their own reasons, she felt her heart aching in a completely different way! She thought it’s for the best for both of them and was very grateful that they can still be in each other’s lives from afar!
Since then she had been waiting for that ache to lessen! And she thought it did, until she was asked out for dinner. It was a lovely romantic restaurant and she sat opposite her date, she felt that ach again and was doing her best to fight the tears.
How much she hoped it was him and how much she wanted it to be at Wagamam’s where they usually met. She didn’t care what else they would be doing as long as they were in each other’s company. As long she heard his laugh that turns awkward sometimes but she still loved it! When he held her between his arms, she felt a warmth she never felt before.
And she knew at that moment that it wasn’t what he made her feel that made him special, but that it was him. Everything about him was amazing in her eyes, even his laziness or his workaholic life pattern. For her he was perfect but she knew it was probably the wrong time! Maybe they will be maybe they won’t, but she knew that she has to live with this ache for a while! At least she can tell her future self that she tried!
What else can she do when fate is not on her side? He will always have a special place in her heart!